CHINESE ZODIAC


MOBILE MARKETING WITH AN ASTROLOGICAL TWIST

TXT MIKE PAXMAN
ART NORA SCHJELDERUP

Mobile marketers rely on lots of different sources to make objective decisions, from big data to market analysis and insights. Unfortunately, one area that is sorely underutilized is ancient Chinese mysticism. But not any more! We’re here to provide insight into how you can leverage your zodiac sign to up your game and conquer the mobile marketing world!

YEAR OF THE RAT

Those born in the year of the rat are adaptable, shrewd and flexible thinkers, with strong social skills… ideal for a mobile marketer. You can think
ahead, spotting opportunities and problems before they even happen and take advantage of your early-mover position. Good luck getting the team you backstabbed over and over in
the past on your way up the ladder to listen to your prophetic visions, however.

YEAR OF THE TIGER

Outta the way, alpha tiger sign coming through! You want loyalty? Courage? Intelligence? You got it all! You’re the complete package! Unfortunately, that package is wrapped in short-temper, with a pretty bow made of arrogance right on top. Oh, so the Data Team says this campaign is failing? Double the scale of the darned thing! You're here to win, and nonsense like "bankruptcy" ain't gonna stop you!

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YEAR OF THE DRAGON

You’re a dragon! You’re inspiring, ambitious and energetic! You’re a dragon! It’s completely impossible for you to work anywhere because you absolutely refuse to take any direction from anyone! Because you’re a dragon! You got let go from your marketing team because you threw the photocopier out of a 9th story window the first time you got anything but completely positive feedback! Go dragons!

YEAR OF THE OX

You’re honest, hardworking and level-headed. Perhaps you’re not the best with words, but you make up for it with your dedication. You’ll work until 3 a.m. setting up those campaigns manually, because that’s good honest work. Unfortunately, you’ll be doing that until you retire while everyone else manipulates their way right round you. But hey… at least you can say you were always honest.

YEAR OF THE RABBIT

Feelings. You’re a big warm fuzzy ball of ‘em. Everyone likes you because you’re there for them when times get tough. You’re gentle and caring, always hearing your colleagues' worries and lending a hand with ad-hoc tasks. You’re also slow to anger, which comes in handy when you find out the 200 creatives you prepared for a campaign are the wrong dimensions. Whoops!

YEAR OF THE SNAKE

Snakes are determined, although they are often seen by others as cunning and sly. But the truth is, snakes are actually passionate creatives, with a knack for writing and art. Design, messaging and communication are your fortes. You’re used to people hiding their work and quickly closing browser tabs whenever you walk past, but you don’t mind. After all, they can't hide their new campaign ideas from you when you break
into the office.

YEAR OF THE HORSE

Horses are warm-hearted, upright and easygoing individuals. Not only that, you don't give up when things get tough, making you the ideal person to battle fraud in your mobile marketing campaigns. Unfortunately, your proclivity for sharing company secrets with anyone and everyone is only dwarfed by your complete inability to stop spending money constantly. Remember when you spent an entire year’s budget on the first network to email you? Your boss remembers.

YEAR OF THE MONKEY

Lively, smart and quick-witted: being a monkey is about gracefully waltzing your way through life's challenges with guile. Your quick-thinking makes you an asset on any mobile marketing team, as you can always find a way to save even the most doomed of campaigns. Such a shame, then, that your raging suspicion that someone is stealing your yogurt from the staff fridge prevents you from every actually helping anyone out.

YEAR OF THE DOG

You’re the best. Everyone thinks so. Clever, loyal and responsible — what more could a marketing team want? More importantly, you’re always willing to tackle the challenges of life, which unfortunately means you’re absolutely going to get stuck dealing with the problematic campaigns that just won’t deliver no matter what… but you won’t mind! Oh, and we lost 400 creatives in a server crash, I sure hope someone is willing to remake them… oh, you will? Great!

YEAR OF THE SHEEP

Soft, calm and loving: it's easy to spot the sheep of the office. They're the people devastated UA managers seek out to be told spending six months’ budget on a blimp that flew around the South Pole was “really ahead of its time” and not at all “the worst idea ever, and that includes barcode wrist tattoos.” As a sheep, you harness your innate gentleness to create caring, soothing messaging for your users. It just might have to be on a Sunday, when you have time away from playing office therapist.

YEAR OF THE ROOSTER

Arguably the most well-rounded people out there, roosters are both independent and caring, able to ensure both collaboration and innovation. Everyone in your team wants you helping on their project… as long as it happens right now. Your overpowering impatience means everyone has exactly 20 seconds to explain their multi-season, fully-automated cross-platform campaign to you before you go back to watching your screensaver and thinking about what you'll wear to an event two weeks from now.

YEAR OF THE PIG

If there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s seeing the positive, and forgiving those who need forgiveness. It makes you popular, and a much-loved part of the team. This in turn earns you trust — one day you’re entering campaign data, the next you’re being asked to run the whole thing. Which, deep down, you know you shouldn’t be trusted with. Because you're so naive, that you just blew your budget on one network. Wait, that wasn't a network, it was a jet-ski salesman, and you bought 40. Oh well, summer's coming!